Snow's Review: Where One Goes by B.N. Toler via Goodreads

Where One Goes by B.N. Toler
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

6 "this-messed-me-up-in-a-good-way" stars

I'm in a deep emotional state right now, so my review will be posted later...

This is gonna be the longest review I’ve ever written cause there are no simple words to say how I feel and I’m sure I’m gonna miss something after I’m done…

This was an unusual choice for me and it was recommended to me by my dearest friend ANA cause I was in a totally overdrived state of mind LOL and she offered a way out of it. I didn’t read it then.

The first thought after reading the blurb was: the hell is this? She falls in love with the ghost? Damn, I’m not in a mood for that.
And I’ve put it on hold for a while.

Don’t get me wrong, I will read anything that stirs my interest, but to be honest this book was not it at that time.

Then my friend Kathleen said I should read it…and I still wasn’t ready.

You see if there’s a lot of crying involved I need to be prepared for it. LOL So, I did. I prepared myself for the emotional breakdown as I call it…hahah

And here we go, right down to it! THIS BOOK changed me!
It made me question my own beliefs about love, about completion, about second chances, about the belief itself.
It made me laugh.
It made me think and re-think.
It made me dream.
It made me sad.
It made me hopeful and yes,
It made me cry.

In short, Charlotte is a young woman who has a gift of seeing and hearing the dead and has been “helping” them to crossover for the past six year after she lived through her own tragic experience BUT now she’s drained and tired of being lonely, empty and broke and decides to end it all. In the last moment she’s saved by none other than a ghost. A Soldier named Ike. He makes her a deal. He’ll help her to build herself up again if she helps him with his brother George who’s having a difficult time in coping with the death of his sibling.
And the story further unravels an unexpected journey as for our characters and the readers, you do not expect the rise of the emotional high in such an intensity as one does…

NOTE: No, there are no actual answers given here about the death and the meaning of religious impacts, you won’t find it here…this scenery is set to develop a notion of what is possible to feel and to acknowledge as possible in the first place in dealing with the emotions in quantity and variety of them

"The brothers are so different, polar opposites in fact, that I find myself drawn to each one for different reasons. One is so strong and responsible; so much so, not even death can keep him from taking care of those he loves. The other, broken and lost, wishing time could rewind on one hand, but using any method necessary to forget time on the other.

In Ike, I crave his warmth and good heart. In George, I crave his likeness, the understanding we share."

About the heroine – Charlotte/Char – never had I encounter a heroine that made me happy she existed, she could be a role model on how to deal with loss, how to reaise yourself from bottom and take the life by the balls…excepting her own flaws, making the most of it on everyday basis, making herself open and accessible to new feelings, impossible feelings, that can never be true and grow with them…dealing with hardship with snarky humor and positive thinking…just wow, I bow to you!

I’m not into triangles, or multiple relationships or other messed up connections people get themselves into BUT I do believe that we can and that it is possible to love more than one person in our lives and that we do get to expand our hearts to that notion, we know of motherly love, lover’s love, friend’s love, love is not the one that should be labeled at all…it should be given in full without exceptions, without regrets BUT it should not be handled lightly or be used in order to hurt…so yes I’m expanding my heart toward that notion

And this story was so much more…it was a non-physical love that brought the kindered spirits and souls to know each other on a higher level, pure level of existence. It’s the story of how to keep on going, keep on surviving, keep on living and not just existing

I fell in love with both the dead one (Ike) and the living one (George)…LOL, I know is sounds freakish… but I fell for the notion of what they represented. They represented HOPE, PEACE, COMPLETION of being whole, being ready to live up to your own expectations, desires, wishes, dreams, being the human in full intensity of the word, being the SOUL that DOESN’T expire with the physical dead line…

My heart broke for Ike – a young life taken away too soon from his loved ones, he represented the unfairness of life and the second chance in comprehension of it, of making the most of the notion of what could have been, of what ifs and not regretting the misfortune of the situation of the fact that the life was not an option BUT what remained was the hope, hope of fulfillment through out the ones that are alive …

My heart broke for George – the man who was lost and wounded, who existed in the shadows of his physical shell BUT didn’t live…he found redemption, he found forgivness, he found a second chance, he found love and was saved by the notion that things DO NOT end with death. They are meant to be apart so one can mend it and make it whole again, NEVER the same BUT different whole.

Cause it’s not about the death, death is a part of life, it’s the living that is hard, those who are left behind are supposed to move on, grow and make themselves whole over and over again…dying is the easy part!

This is the first book that had secondary characters that were as equally important to me as the main ones – Sniper (large, pierced, thud of a man, ex-military who warmed my heart with his loyalty, snarky lines and big heart of his own); Anna (perky blonde who’s warmth and openness made Charlotte welcomed without hesitation); Mr and Mrs Mercer (an old couple who lost their daughter, good doers who take Char under their wings); Ike and George’s family, especially Cameron, the youngest brother (boy, he made me laugh on several occasions)…

This book made me grow in so many ways and it will stay with me for a long time…

it made me laugh…

“How the hell did you cut your ass, but not your hands or knees?”
“I’m talented in the arts of clumsiness. I’m a sensei, really,” she retorts and he chuckles.
“I think you’re going to have to pull these down, Charlotte.”
“No fucking way!” she almost shrieks as she straightens to a stand. “I’m not putting my bare ass in your face, George.”
“I can’t see the full cut.” George leans back, fighting the grin that wants to break out across his face.
“You’re going to have to pull them down.”

It made me swoon…

“I asked you to dance because like every other guy here, I want to dance with the most beautiful woman in the room.”

It made me braver, more persistant…

“But you’ve seen more of me than anyone has in a long time.
All the ugly parts. Things I’m not proud of.”
“I want to know all of you, too. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
“You should go home, Charlotte,” he moans in pain. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Taking his hand in mine, I kiss it. “I’m not going anywhere. The good, the bad, and the ugly . . . remember?”

Made me hopeful…and open to new aspects…

“So to answer your question, I do believe you, and I believe in you. And no matter how intense your gift may make life sometimes, I want to be a part of it. Charlotte . . . I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I love you.”

There will always be a part of me that feels empty. Ike was my twin, and his absence is palpable. I feel it with every breath I take. But I know now I can survive it. And instead of letting the memory of him and the loss of him hinder me, I’ll let it strengthen me. My brother saved me. My brother gave me her; the woman he loved.

Where one goes…I figured out it’s not the location we’re looking for, it’s the peace, a solemn place for the living ones that stay behind and even if I don’t know the answer to the question of where one goes… what I DO know is that one NEVER actually leaves.

They stay IN you forever.

I've related to two songs for each of the characters that carved their way into my heart, Ike and George, and their connection with Charlotte - they are connected but still apart and there’s no way to make them separate on any level other than physical presence…



Ike and Char
Although there’s no physical contact between Ike and Charlotte the connection they have makes it even more palpable and painfully sad and the song really says it all transferring the higher meaning of it…the notion of moving on, of realizing the impossible and making it worth it…

Hold me now

by Johnny Logan
Don't don't close your heart to how you feel
Dream and don't be afraid the dream's not real
Close your eyes pretend it's just the two of us again
Make believe this moment's here to stay

Touch touch me the way you used to do
I know tonight could be all I'll have with you
From now on you'll be with someone else instead of me
So tonight let's build this memory for the last time

Hold me now don't cry don't say a word just
Hold me now and I will know though we're apart
We'll always be together forever in love
What do you say when words are not enough

Time time will be kind once we're apart and
Your tears tears will have no place in your heart I wish
I I could say how much I'll miss you, when you're gone
All my love for you will go on and on and

Hold me now don't cry don't say a word just
Hold me now and try to understand
That I hope at last you've found what you've been searching for
And though I won't be there anymore I will always love you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi0xy...

George and Char
A broken man that hides behind the vices to hide and dull his own pain and shattered soul, who’s not aware of his own life passing by and going to waste…this is the green light, the hope lingering around him, the push so much needed to wake him up, to take the chance in love, to forgive himself and start living again…so, what are you waiting for…wake up and see what's right in front of you...fight for it

I wanna wake up with you

by Boris Gardiner
I wanna wake up with you
I wanna be there when you open your eyes
I want you to be
The first thing that I see
I wanna wake up with you

I wanna lay by your side, baby
I wanna feel every beat of your heart
And throughout the night
I wanna hold you tight
I wanna wake up with you

All the love inside me has been sleeping
Waiting till the right one came along
You can share the love that I've been keeping, baby
You can put the music to my song

I wanna wake up with you
I wanna reach out and know that you're there
I want you to be
The first thing that I see
I wanna wake up with you

And throughout the night
I wanna hold you tight
I wanna wake up with you...


www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AuHibzE0aY


One of the best books I’ve read lately




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